how to: change

it’s november and the leaves are changing and the lives are changing. i’ve been in a moment of transition for a few months, graduating from college, starting a first job, moving into a first real apartment, trying to make a budget and a life of my own. and it’s hard. people should definitely tell you that it’s hard. 

i’ve always loved change. i’m a sagitarrious after all. but in the midst of leaves falling and couch shopping, there is grief for what is passed and there is fear of what’s ahead. and if anyone tells you any different, they are probably lying. or just better at change than me. 

so here’s what i’ve learned about change recently:

  1. grieve. grieve what you are leaving behind. maybe it’s a grungy but lovable old apartment, all of your best friends or a comfort zone you had worn in so that it fit just right. it’s right and good and necessary to allow yourself to feel that loss, deeply and often. 
  2. find home in the small things. i think we all need a home to cling to when things feel shaky. home can be a good coffee shop or a trusted pair of shoes or a person who knows you better than you know yourself. it can be quiet nights with your go-to show or an outfit you’ve worn before on easier days. it’s okay to lean on the things that keep you alive.
  3. stop expecting easy. or simple or good or anything that feels heavy. be okay with just simply learning. taking it in, adding no value, maybe making no progress that you can see with the naked eye. that is progress in itself. 
  4. re-decide. who you are, what you want, what you do, what you wear, what you say. the amazing thing of change is the space to re-invent and re-create. that doesn’t come along every day. rise to it.
  5. be honest. be honest when people ask you how it’s going. be honest with yourself too. actually mostly. mostly be honest with yourself. and know that every other person enduring transition feels that way too; happy, scared, unsure, undecided, lost, confused and not always brave. 
  6. give yourself grace. grace to change. grace to grow. grace to be unhappy. grace to be happy again later. and give the rest of us some of that while you’re at it. 
  7. trust that it won’t wlays feel exactly like this. for worse or for better, the only consistent thing in life is it will change again. and those moments are free fall and those feelings are a taste test. but it will, i promise, change. 

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