That’s How It Is

That’s How It Is
(Photo by Maeve Scully Photography)


darkness plays on darkness

and we pretend we don’t hear

we don’t feel

we don’t know

and that’s how it is.


and the questions 

without question marks

where were you

why

what were you wearing

why

what were you thinking

why

why

why

they start and don’t stop 

and that’s how it is.



mothers’ daughters

who might one day

hold daughters 

and fear for their own different 

dark corners and fuzzy lights. 

and that’s how it is. 


and the act of walking 

home 

alone

in the dark

is a sentence

a line crossed

a fault

because you are a girl 

and he is a boy 

being a boy

and that’s how it is.


lips that drip poison

persuasion

pleading

and another set 

unable to form no

and that’s how it is.



our bodies are our own

until he gets drunk

then the lines are blurred

and smudged 

mascara 

flows

and that’s how it is. 


and I heard a girl

tell a girl 

to just not think about it

that it was okay

but it wasn’t 

and we knew it. 

and we dried her tears

with pieces of hope and 

easy words.

and that’s how it is.



we ignore

and pretend

it’s not real

it doesn’t happen here

it will never happen to me

until it is 

and it does

and it could

and that’s how it is. 



words are not

suggestions

pushes are not

green lights 

nothing is not

yes

do you hear me 

but that’s not how it is. 






O.A.

photo by: Maeve Scully

[pronouns are replaceable at your own discretion; 
this is from my personal perspective]

Bloom

Bloom

Last week was a rough week.

An unfortunate, inconvenient series of irritating events that made me wanna crawl into bed and quit everything for 3 months and maybe move to the deciduous forests of upstate Washington. A pile up of being late to too many classes, uncomfortable confrontations with bosses, spilled coffee, rain and at one low point, I kid you not, a campus bus roared past me and blew the hat I was wearing into the road while simultaneously splashing me with cold, swampy, sewage street water. I thought things like only happened during montages in cheap movies with a tragic instrumental playing in the background. And that was only Tuesday.

Some things to remember during bad days, weeks, months, years, etc:

I saw this quote on Pinterest (I know, gag me) that said “There’s nothing in nature that blooms all year long, so don’t expect yourself to do so.” The pressure to have your life semi-together can sometimes seem overwhelming and nauseating. A bad week does not deem you a failure or a weed. Shit happens. To all of us. A lot of the time.

You’ll bloom again. Last Wednesday I was convinced the Week From Hell™ would probably last forever and I’d die an angsty sophomore in college who really really needs to do laundry. But today is Monday. And I’m still a sophomore in college but perhaps a little less angsty and doing well on my bio quiz (yet to do laundry but). Little victories people.

It’s good to be in a bad mood. Maybe not forever but if you need to listen to aggressive music and be alone for a few hours to sulk and brood– you’re entitled to that privilege, even if you live on one of the most populated campuses in the country in the middle of a city. Allow yourself to feel it all. The good, the bad and the ugly.

Treat yo self. (-Tom Haverford, Parks and Rec star, inspirational being.) There are few activities more therapeutic in the middle of a thunderstorm of a week than doing whatever the heck it is you want to do. Eat good food, buy flowers, watch your favorite show instead of studying, take a nap, WHATEVER YOU WANT. Take the revenge you want out of life.

So it’s Monday. New day, new week. So far no buses have assaulted me– stay tuned for updates. But even if I get stung by a thousand bees in the middle of a hurricane after oversleeping for class with a midterm, there’s always tomorrow.

Keep Looking

Keep Looking

Age nineteen is a lot of searching. We searching for a passion, best friends, a major, a career, a place to eat that’s open past 2 am. We’re crawling around, looking high and low and half the time we have no idea what the heck it is we’re even searching for.

You know that feeling when you walked on to your college campus for the first time and knew it was home? Or when you see a pair of shoes, fall in love and bring them to the checkout without even checking the price because you know they’re worth it whatever it is? Or when you see an option on a menu and know this is the one, I want this please give me chocolate cheesecake now? That’s how I think all of our decisions should feel. That undoubtable gut feeling that this is right, for me, right now, right here. Chase that feeling.

At age nineteen we’re making a lot of choices and hoping to God one of them might be a little right, praying that we’re not accidentally destroying our livelihoods with our every minute decision. And there are times when you know your friends, parents, teachers, etc. would tell you choose option A and you get that nasty little sick feeling at the bottom of your abdomen when you think about option A but you choose it anyways to keep everyone happy and get your cerebellum to chill. But I think that sick little feeling is something more than just too much dining hall food. Lately I’ve been trying to listen to that feeling a little more and listen to my know-it-all overactive conscious brain a little less. And it’s working. Our bodies might know something our brains haven’t quite picked up on. We’re instinctively drawn to what is for us. Some science stuff backs this up.

Science Stuff:

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/radical-remission/201405/the-science-behind-intuition

 

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/03/080305144210.htm

 

http://www.livescience.com/54825-scientists-measure-intuition.html

 

We’ve all at some point ignored that gut feeling, pushed past using rationale and level-headedness to justify our decisions. And then, one day it doesn’t work, the plan falls through, the game is lost, it hails and thunderstorms, and YOU KNEW IT YOU SWEAR.

Follow that feeling, search for whatever it is until you find it, settle for nothing less than the feeling of finding the perfect leather jacket with only your size left, on sale.